Friday, May 15, 2009

The Highlights Is Gawker Now


I saw Ramona Singer from Real Housewives of New York City on the N Train today and I took her picture! LMAO!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

EXCERPT FROM MY MICHAEL WINSLOW FAN FICTION

"BLEEP BLEEP BOOP BLEEP BOOP."

"What the heck?" I said to myself, scratching my head as I looked at the state-of-the-art Fax Machine in front of me. After all, the sounds I was hearing were those of an incoming message or "Fax" but the darned thing wasn't turned on--not even plugged into the power supply! Then I looked over at Michael Winslow, and he gave me his trademark Sly-Cat smile.

"Michael!" I said, unable to suppress a grin of my very own!

"Bloop bleep?" he said, with a shrug of his shoulders, as if to say "who me?" and then I knew it was him, and not the Fax Machine, that had made those noises!!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

prospective names for proposed cat duo

Nip/Tuck
Curry/Vindaloo
Chauncy/The Baker

everybody: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW--

wait, who was that. O!SHIT. i think there's someone in the house....

THE CALLS ARE COMING FROM WITHIN YOUR STOMACH

//barf!!//

No One Asked For It, But Here Is My Review of State of Play Starring Russell Crowe

Why did I see this movie? The reason is because there was nothing else to see. All the movies I had planned on seeing somehow slipped through my fingers because Charlottesville movies have a short run. I don’t know if that’s really true or if it just seems that way. On to my review. Here’s what I’ll say: it was basically pretty good. I didn’t go in expecting much. I thought it was probably going to be unnecessarily confusing and ultimately kind of empty seeming with lots of one-note action. I was pleasantly surprised. Russell Crow was pretty good. Rachel McAdams was also pretty good. Helen Mirren was funny. Jason Bateman was hilarious. Jeff Daniels was in the movie. It’s not like I’m going around wishing to see more of Jeff Daniels or anything, but I wasn’t unhappy to see him, and he, too, was fine. The only weak link in this cast was one Ben Affleck. Something I realized while watching him is that although he seems like he’s not a bad guy, he’s not a very good actor. This may not come as a shock to the general public. But after having never really thought about it, it came as a tiny shock to me. When you’re watching someone trying to act and they’re just a hair off, like they can’t quite catch the wave, it makes you appreciate those who can – like Crowe and Mirren. Here is my final assessment of State of Play: if you can judge a movie by how little your mind wanders when you’re watching it, or by how little you start to think that our culture is some gross parody of a future dystopia, then State of Play doesn’t necessarily disappoint.

Using Radiocarbon Dating Techniques, Can We Pinpoint Exactly When Justin Timberlake Got So Awesome?

Do you remember when Justin Timberlake was kind of lame? No, you probably don't. The memory of this time has been erased from your historic worldview by the sheer magnitude of his current awesomeness. I mean it basically doesn't get any cooler than Justin Timberlake at this point, and yet, not too long ago, he was a member of N Sync, and dating Britney Spears, and singing in a falsetto, and having a stupid name! Nobody even thinks his name is stupid anymore! The name Timberlake now signifies hilarious antics on Saturday Night Live, the bringing back of sexy, and the boning of Jessica Biel! I am DYING to have sex with Justin Timberlake. I LOOK UP to Justin Timberlake. I would carry Justin Timberlake on my back across a desert of hot coals IF HE NEEDED ME TO. I would do it for THE GOOD OF HUMANITY. I regard him as THE FINEST OF HUMAN SPECIMENS. He is BEYOND A-LIST. And the only question my mind is left with, reeling, shaking with admiration for him, is, when exactly did this happen?

The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock

I like to move it, move it
Ya like to ("Move it")

I like to move it, move it
I like to move it, move it
I like to move it, move it
Ya like to ("Move it")

I like to move it, move it
I like to move it, move it
I like to move it, move it
Ya like to ("Move it")

All girls all over the world,
original Mad Stuntman pon ya case man!
I love how all girls a move them body,
and when ya move ya body, and move it,
nice and sweet and sexy, alright!

Woman ya cute, and you don't need no make up,
original cute body you a mek man mud up.
Woman ya cute, and you don't need no make up,
original cute body you a mek man mud up.

Woman! Physically fit, physically fit,
physically, physically, physically fit
Woman! Physically fit, physically fit,
physically, physically, physically fit

Woman! Ya nice, sweet, fantastic
Big ship on de ocean that a big titanic
Woman! Ya nice, sweet, energetic
Big ship on de ocean that a big titanic
Woman! Ya nice, sweet, fantastic
Big ship on de ocean that a big titanic
Woman! Ya nice, sweet, energetic
Big ship on de ocean that a big titanic

I like to move it, move it
I like to move it, move it
I like to move it, move it
Ya like to ("Move it")

I like to move it, move it
I like to move it, move it
I like to move it, move it
Ya like to ("Move it")

Till human voices wake us, and we drown.





Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Testing the New Email Service

This blog will now be emailed to Mssrs. Chamberlain, Rathbone, and Smith automatically every time somebody publishes a new post. Publish or Perish!!!

Get a Job!


Today something great happened to me on the Internet. I found what I was looking for: a photo of the greatest t-shirt ever made!!! This simple black T features a handsome etching of a slutty lady giving a skeleton a blowjob, with the effortlessly hilarious caption, "Get A Job!" What garment could be more appropriate for our age of rising unemployment, not to mention swine flu?