Who Does a Girl Have to Fuck to Get a DVD Copy of Platoon Around Here?

At this “Center” where I’m “relaxing” and recovering from “exhaustion,” they have updated the communal room to hold a DVD player, while all of the movies remain in VHS form. I’m like, “Nurse Linda? Why did we bother to get a DVD player if all we have is Sister Act and Dances With Wolves on VHS?” Then I’m like, “I already took a nap!” This just in: everyone here thinks that naps will solve everything. Update: They don’t!
Upon waking up this morning I had one, all encompassing desire. And that was to watch a Vietnam war movie in which Charlie Sheen resembles a scrappy prairie dog. We even have a copy. It’s behind some felt in the activities cabinet. Only thing: it’s on VHS. I’m like, “Is it literally the eighties in this building?” I’m like, “I wish it was the eighties, because then maybe I could get my hands on some ‘ludes.” I’m like, “Joke, Nurse Linda. It was a joke. Why don’t you have five aneurysms about it and then put it in my evaluation?”
Then I was like, “Fuck it. I’ll just put together this huge panormamic puzzle of Niagara Falls. Anyone want in?”