Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Dear Judd Appatow, Seth Rogan, et al.

Fuck all you guys. I have a suggestion that just might make your brains explode: could you maybe stretch your imaginations to create a female character that had 1: some lines 2: something resembling a personality 3: Isn’t always wearing really sticky looking lip gloss? Have you guys actually ever met a girl?

Seth Rogan is like, “I’m gonna write a movie about what it’s like to be a guy in high school who wants to get laid.” Really, genius? Where did you get that idea? It must have been cast on Mount Olympus in the very morning dew of invention because it’s so original. Just kidding. It’s what every single movie that has ever been made is about. Except yours has this extremely fucked up undertow of misogyny.

Seth Rogan and Jonah Something, I have a news flash for you: you are not hot! I’m aware of the trope of awkward, not handsome guys getting the girl because they’re so funny or whatever, but I’m sick of that trope and I think it’s time to go back to the original idea that, in fact, you would never get laid. Why? Because you obviously hate women. You, like, hate women.

May I direct your attention to the scene in Superlong where the caustic and one-note Jonah Something accidentally gets period blood on his pants and then freaks out and almost throws up when he figures out what it is? This scene was forced and not funny and offensive and just another example of your love hate relationship with the vagina. Work it out!

From “Shmashmortion” to that period blood scene in Superbad, you might as well just go up to any woman on the street and knee her in the stomach because that’s basically what you’ve already done. Your movies perpetuate the worst, most damaging stereotypes about women. I’m so sick of you using squeamishness about our anatomy as the jump off point for your humor. I’m so fucking sick of your predictable guy caper movie monopoly.

Our existences are just as complex and difficult and funny as yours, and maybe if the media wasn’t constantly hand-jobbing your movies into prominence there would be room for something else. But for now, why don’t you go and get some of your dude friends and think of some flimsy concept and then make another movie about it with place-keeping female characters that don’t in anyway resemble real life and that ultimately make me feel deflated and dead when I leave the theatre.