Friday, June 30, 2006

There are Many Photo-Ops for a Bald Eagle

There are many photo-ops for a bald eagle. People like it when you encircle the world with your wing in honor of earth day or some shit. People like it when you are clutching golden arrows with your talons. Oh yes. There are many photo ops for a bald eagle. People like it when you are flying along and just “happen” to land next to a tattered version of the constitution and decide to shed just one bulging, pearly tear. My favorite pose is when I’m perched stoically on the edge of a cliff overlooking the great American wilderness. I like that one because I don’t really have to do anything. I’m just bein’ me. People like it when you fly over the ocean and make eye contact with the dolphins beneath in a moment of pure majestic synchronicity. And maybe there is shooting star in the background. That one is harder to pull off because dolphins are too busy healing the world with their friendliness to pose for photo-ops. (Trade secret: do not be mean to a dolphin because when you are they will envelope you with wet, fibrousy friendliness that will make the back of your throat tickle and then you feel sooooo bad. I don’t know how I would know that except for that a friend told me). People do not like it when you are pealing a hardboiled egg by yourself in a corner because it makes them feel weird. But people do like it when your chest is bulging and you are wearing a ragged jean jacket with the Texas flag on it. Why? Because there are many photo-ops for a bald eagle.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Chloe Wins

Chloe was the winner of Project Runway
Nobody ever saw it coming
I for one never saw it coming
But she won
She beat Daniel and Santino
And now she will be crowned forever
In the pantheon of eternity
As the winner of Project Runway Season 2
The ultimate winner
Little Chloe
Whose mother escaped from Vietnam
With eight daughters – count them! Eight!
And Chloe among them
The talented Chloe
The disciplined Chloe
Chloe with good business sense
She designed the shrugs and matching dresses to be sold separately
To give people like Heidi Klum the option of wearing them together or separately
That’s just an example of Chloe’s good thinking
That’s just a shred of the reason why Chloe deserved to be the winner
And for once tonight on the Bravo channel Justice was served
People got what they deserved
And now the tall redheaded model Grace will receive her own spread in Elle magazine
And now Santino will have to prove his devotion by persisting despite his loss
And now Heidi Klum will go on to direct Project Runway Season 3
And now there will still be poverty
And now Daniel will return to his parents in Michigan for Thanksgiving
And everyone will comfort him
And he will be happy for Chloe despite the bitterness of his loss
And he will go on to design with his characteristic sophistication.