THOUGHTS I HAD WHILE REREADING WATCHERS BY DEAN KOONTZ WHICH I FIRST READ WHEN I WAS TWELVE

I can’t believe I read this when I was twelve.

This book is lurid, misogynistic, violent, and I can’t put it down.

Everything is so nineties—they’re feeding coins into pay phones, freaking out about genetic engineering, hiking.

I wish I had a genius golden retriever.

I really, really wish I had a genius golden retriever, because just think of how great it would be to look into those intelligent doggy eyes.

Except, if your really did engineer a dog to be as smart as a human, and that dog started having smart puppies, would we have to give them rights? What if you wanted to marry your dog? What if a dog wanted to be president? Koontz, there’s a whole can of worms here you didn’t account for, bud.

Is it weird that I want to be a pre-internet pregnant lady wearing floppy sweaters and living in seclusion in the woods like the character Nora? It just seems really peaceful. (Except for the fact that she is being stalked by both a hit man and a genetically engineered monster, who can communicate telepathically with the aforementioned dog).

Reading this book is very much like watching a movie on the USA network in the middle of the day, or looking at the internet for too long, in that you feel kind of damp and disoriented afterwards.

I wish someone would make a movie of this book.