People and Things I Should Thank in the Acknowledgments of my Dissertation

Snarf from Thundercats

Every member of Wu-Tang; Raekwon and Ghostface get their own paragraphs

Every member of the Rolling Stones except Mick, hey Mick, fuck you if you’re reading this

Several of my married friends’ ex-girlfriends

Four very special golden retrievers (y’all know who you are)

Earl “The Pearl” Monroe

Doris “Kearns” Goodwin

Scarface (the movie and the rapper, separately)

Nicole Brown Simpson

O.J. Simpson

White drugs

Donkey Kong (the ape, NOT the game)

William Faulkner and Eazy-E, together forever

Various superheroes (TBD)

Future wife (Rashida Jones? TBD)

Whoever assassinates will.i.am

Malcolm Gladwell

Whoever assassinates Malcolm Gladwell

Pinchy the lobster

Bitey the possum

Brother Mouzone

The dude who invented books (Shakespeare? Double-check this)

All dinosaurs (individually or as a group?)

My parents

Purple drank