Monday, January 24, 2011

Eighteen Reasons Why Mothers Hate Their Babies

1. Babies stink.
2. Babies are crybabies.
3. Babies are cliquish and mothers feel excluded.
4. Mothers have 99 problems and babies are all of them.
5. Babies never compliment their mothers when they get new haircuts.
6. Babies are so insecure about how their mothers feel about THEM that they never step up and express their own feelings to their mothers.
7. Babies always want ponies and mothers can't keep buying ponies all the time.
8. Babies have little mustaches that freak their mothers out.
9. Babies remind mothers of when they were babies, and that makes them miss THEIR mothers.
10. Babies are disgusting little snotfaces.
11. Babies are so little that mothers sometimes eat them by accident.
12. Whenever mothers put babies in a cardboard box, they always misplace the box and then everybody gets angry at them, and they get angry at themselves.
13. Babies create all kinds of uncomfortable feelings and mothers wonder why they thought that having a baby was the answer to how to get rid of other uncomfortable feelings that they had before they had the baby, which are gone now, but are replaced by all these new shitty uncomfortable feelings.
14. Babies don't really totally appreciate the whole milk thing.
15. Babies are always suing their mothers in court and it gets embarrassing.
16. Babies wear little trenchcoats all the time.
17. Mothers want to teach babies how to do sit-ups and babies are like, later - but they never get around to it.
18. Babies get up in the middle of the night and help themselves to whatevers in the fridge.


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