Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Full Body Scanning Doesn't Bother Me AT ALL

American airports may start using full body scanning technologies to detect and prevent terrorism. In other words, airport workers will, with the use of machines, have access to imagery of my full, naked body. Some, such as the ACLU, say this constitutes an egregious violation of privacy laws. But full body scanning doesn't bother me AT ALL.

In fact, I have often wished for more ways to expose my body in public. Especially to airport workers, who, I have noticed, are often squat and tough in a way that makes me want them to not only scan my body, but to maybe take home a printout of that scan and touch themselves later while looking at it in the, yes, Privacy of their cold apartment.

Let's face it: I have a great body. And the only way I could imagine my boobs, ass, and vagina looking any better than they look in real life, right now, as I'm posing for myself in the mirror wearing only my "thinking cap" (a turban, haha yeah right, I'm not a terrorist! - no, it's a pair of underpants I wear on my head) would be in that sexy, grainy, oh-no-you-di-int infrared glow of an airport body scanner.

Let's also face it: I'm lonely. And I certainly wouldn't mind a little "extra attention". And if that attention needs to come in the form of a super-invasive, questionably effective counter-terrorism method that slowly, and then quickly, erodes our entire sense of human decency and basic civil rights, I say, I'm "on board"!

So, to sum up, my only question about body scanning is: where do you want me to stand?!

Now let's go kill some terrorists!


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