Ways in which I am attempting to manage my anxiety surrounding the release of my first novel

Doing some half-assed yoga.

Hitching up a smile whenever someone says, “So. Your book is coming out soon,” and wondering if they secretly wish for my demise.

Imagining myself in a very safe and secure place—like a kangaroo pouch or the breast pocket of a giant.

Thinking about the wonderful logic and order that goes along with a network of pulleys and tree bridges a la the Swiss Family Robinson.

Trying to have the soul of an old oak tree.

Considering taking up smoking again.

Listening to Dr. Dre’s “The Chronic,” the first cassette tape I ever got, because it reminds me of elementary school, when all that mattered was my cutthroat campaign for social dominance.

Doggedly turning my rain stick over and over.

Imagining a more simple life in which I wear a sack dress and make natural soap.

By getting really, really excited!