Homemade Gifts I Am Considering Making For Emma To Congratulate Her Upon The Release of Her First Novel

Six-CD Pan Flute Mega Mix

A Collage of Pictures of and News Articles about Emma that Looks Kind of Like it Was Made By a Serial Rapist

Hand-sewn Long-Sleeved Old-fashioned Bathing Suit

Hot Pink Puffy-Paint Fake Diploma from the University of You Go Girl!

Copy of Her Book with the Author's Name Crossed Out and My Name Written Instead

Golden Coupon Good for One Free 2-hour long Phone Conversation Where I Let Her Ramble On about Her Paranoid Fantasies of How Everybody Probably Will be Out to Get Her Now that Her Book is Out

A Giant Check Made Out to Emma Rathbone for the Amount of "Lifetime Supply of Tampons"

A Sterling Silver Frame Engraved "Best Friends" with a Photograph of Me and My Cat

A Dictionary I Wrote Myself (will be mostly "Urban")

And last of all, the Best Present a Girlfriend Can Make: A Baby