Celebrity Sighting

Did I ever tell you about the time I saw Maggie Gyllenhaal? Oh my god, it was so funny. She was walking down the street in Brooklyn, pushing her baby in the stroller, just like a typical Brooklyn mom. She looked so normal! And I was like, oh my god. I was so excited to see her in real life! And I was like, Maggie! And she kind of looked at me. And then I was like, Ramona! Which is the name of her baby. And she kind of smiled and pushed the stroller a little faster. And I was like, How’s Peter! Which is her husband, Peter Sarsgaard. The actor? And she looked down at the sidewalk and was like, rushing away. And I was like, How’s Jake! Which is her brother, Jake Gyllenhaal, the actor. From Brokeback Mountain? And she kept walking (she was already pretty far away from me at this point). And I was like, How’s Reese! Which is Jake Gyllenhaal’s girlfriend, Reese Witherspoon, the actress. From Legally Blonde? And she was like this little point of blue-colored light disappearing down 5th Avenue (her coat was blue, it was probably Marc Jacobs or something. The designer?) And I was like, How are your parents! Who are like, screenwriters or something. And then I couldn’t see her at all anymore. And I was still standing there, right where I’d sighted her, and I yelled really really really loud, FUCK YOU MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL! FUCK! YOU! EAT A FUCKING DICK! Because I was like, kind of offended?