Office Politics

Cheryl wanted to put a bowl of blue glass pebbles on the desk in the lobby, and I was like, “What’s that all about?” She was like, “I think it adds a sort of breezy tone to the proceedings of this office.” I was like “Breezy? That’s funny because to me it adds a sort of cheap Pier One Imports tone, and what was wrong with the vase with the stalks of hay sticking out of it?” She was like, “Well, that adds more of a prairie vibe. Paging Laura Ingalls Wilder!” She laughed at her own joke, obviously she had been waiting to reference Little House on the Prairie for some time. I was like, “I liked the hay. And I thought it was more of a simple living vibe than a prairie vibe. And also, I happened to bring some dried mandarin oranges and cinnamon sticks to position in a sort of centerpiece on that table. So I’m going to go ahead and do that.” Cheryl was like, “Really? Because I never thought of this place as being a sort of Asian harem where you might get sold into sex slavery.” I was like, “Really?” and was trying to think of a way to make her feel bad for her obviously racist jab my centerpiece when Judy comes in. She’s like, “Hey guys, I went ahead and brought in this rain stick to give this place more of an earthy feel. I’ll just place it next to the photocopier.” Cheryl and I were both like, “Really?” Then Joan came in and was like, “Morning everyone. I brought in this plastic, multicolored scale model of an atom that I got at a children’s museum to put on that table and give this place a sort of elemental, down to basics kind of feel.” Finally, our boss came in and was like, “Listen guys, I just ordered a huge, six foot tall, silver sculpture of a paper clip that we’re going to lean against those doors and that will give this place an early-nineties, raffish, playful, entrepreneurial, safe sex, still care about the Olympics kind of vibe. Got it? And that settled everything.