Sunday, September 02, 2007

Are We Ready?

Is America READY for the first female president? Is America READY for the first black president? This is the question many are asking, the question we all want to know: are we READY?

Let's start with you. Are you READY yet? Maybe you are ready for one, but not the other. Which one are you ready for? As the question itself indicates, both scenarios - that of having our first female president, and that of having our first black president - are, in some sense, inevitable, destined to occur at some as-yet-unattained point in the future, which is, in all certainty, hurtling towards us, prompting us to ask the important question, ARE WE READY?!! You only have to get ready for things that ARE GOING TO HAPPEN; thus, from the question, it's evident that at some point, America knows that America is going to elect a woman president and a black president. The only things we don't know are: when is this going to happen (for example, is it going to happen in 2008?), and, ARE WE READY.

Let's say it is going to happen in 2008. Whoa! The heat is on! This crazy date is coming towards us, faster and faster. We're almost there! We're about to elect a woman president! Like, someone who gets her period (or did once, and then went through menopause)! We are seriously, no joke, about to elect a NEGRO PRESIDENT. Like, someone who if he was born a ways back, would have been a slave. This crazy shit is ABOUT TO GO DOWN. So, obviously, as everyone has realized, the important question to ask, and the question we ARE asking, all of us, is: ARE WE READY?!

So, back to you. Have you done everything you need to do to get ready? Do you have what you need? Are you, in other words, ALL SET? Because I don't think I am. I don't think I'm ready. I don't know what you have to do to be ready, but whenever anybody asks me if I'm ready, let alone if my whole fucked-up crazy ass COUNTRY is ready, the answer is probably NO. Because I'm a procrastinator. I like to put shit off.

It just sounds kind of ominous, that question: "Are we ready?" It sounds kind of like whatever's coming is going to hurt a little bit. Like when the nurse says, "Are you ready for me to give you this tetnus shot?" (This is a cherished memory from my childhood, when I still qualified for my parents' health insurance.)

So when people keep asking, "Are we ready," I keep thinking, Nah, probably not. Not if it's gonna be some kind of hassle.


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