How To Be A Man

Join the Army. Let the blood of a near-fatal wound trickle down the side of your nose, mingling with the smoke from the Marlboro between your lips. Adjust yourself. Putt. Receive golf-themed novelty items for your birthday and Father's Day. Guard the system that keeps you in charge and milk it for all it's worth. Slam your fist down on a boardroom table. Spin around in an office chair and put your legs up on the desk. Scream: "SHOW ME THE MONEY!" Jerk off. Throw up a gang sign. Roll with your homies in a bouncing Cadillac. Rape someone.