One Great Thing About All 3 Remaining Democratic Candidates!

HILLARY CLINTON - She makes everyone in America feel calm, safe, protected, trusting, loving towards women, proud of the past couple decades, united, strong, and ready to pile in the van and head to the big game together. She has never lied and never gone back on her word about anything.

BARACK OBAMA - There is definitely substance behind all that style. And it's definitely all very left-wing. Even if you have no idea what Barack Obama would actually do if he were President, you have nothing to worry about. His handsomeness, his awesome ethnicity, and his great left-wing commitment to religion, combined with his awesomely hip youth factor, will get us out of all those nasty international scrapes the next four years have lined up for us.

JOHN EDWARDS - Wait. Who? I'm sorry, I haven't heard anything about him. He must not be good or important, or the media would have informed me.